Our Big Step – Continued

After dinner tonight, I told them they could go outside to play for a little while before their bath time.  They ran out and I did too.  A little later I had to run inside to get something.  When I came back  I looked over at the swing set and they were not there.  For a half second I panicked then I looked over at the flower garden.  There they were, pulling weeds, and just weeds.  They were laughing and singing and having a good time about it.  I have not shown them what a weed was, they just knew, and they did a pretty good job.

The reason…  Dierbergs has a shopping cart that both kids can sit in.  Aman wanted to sit in the shopping cart, darn it!  They have the cute little carts for the kids, but he would have none of it.  So, Trader Joe’s only if one kid is with us and that kid is Serawit.  Aman is just too big for the little shopping cart.  The good part of it is that we found healthy animal crackers that they seem to really like – so another snack to add that they like.

It was a fun day.  We started off going to see a friend who works at the Whittle Shortline Railroad in Fenton.  It’s a wooden train and wooden puzzle store, but for the kids, when you walk in, there are these tables set up with wooden train sets, and the kids are allowed to go to town.  Don’t have to buy anything.  The kids LOVED it.

This evening, my sister, her boyfriend, and his daughter (same age as Serawit) came over for dinner.  I actually, like, really cooked for the first time in weeks, and grilled thick cut pork chops that I had brined ahead of time, and grilled corn on the cob, and roasted some regular and sweet potatoes.  Then we played on the slip and slide.  Afterward we enjoyed grilled pineapple.  The kids had fun rolling around in the water and sliding down the slide we had set up.

Just put them down and they went right to sleep.  Nighty Night!

Everything is continuing to go well.  The kids seem to like playing in the water, and as soon as the pool gets fixed at Melody Lake, we will be out there.

They are continuing to test boundaries, which kind of wears on us after a while, but we know that the work we do now will make it easier later.  Today for the first time, they resisted bedtime, even though this is the latest we let them stay up (we watched Toy Story, which ended at 10:30).

They are continuing to have possession issues, especially with each other’s stuff.  I had talked to our social worker at CHI about it earlier, and how we were considering putting them in separate bedrooms sooner rather than later.  She urged us to keep things the way they are now, and explained that while they may be acting like typical kids and typical siblings, there is the added layer of their orphanage existence, and not ever having had possessions of their own before.  They don’t understand the concept of something being Aman’s only, or Serawit’s only, versus both of theirs.  They don’t understand that it is not going to be taken away, and they will get even more.  It gets more confusing when they go to someone else’s house, pick up something they like, and said person tells them they can keep it.   I know, I know, your preschooler doesn’t/didn’t understand that either.  The fact is, your angels probably understand/understood more than you think.   With our kids, we kind of have to teach them from the infant level up.   Thankfully, they are not hoarding, which is definitely a sign of problems, but because they act like regular kids, everyone wants to treat them like regular kids – we find ourselves doing the same thing.  The stuff they fight over the most are what they have gotten from other people – especially the stuff one will pick up at another’s house and then are told they can take it.  My wonderful well-meaning friends and family simply have to stop doing that for right now.  Eventually, you will have ample opportunity to spoil them rotten and send them back.  Please let us work with them for a little while first.

Another thing we were hoping to wait on was taking yucky medications.  Serawit unfortunately has a rather nasty case of ringworm, meaning 6 weeks of daily oral medication that tastes absolutely gross.  Yesterday was the first day and we had to give it to her three times before she would actually swallow it and not spit it up.  Tonight was better.  We had lots of tears and crying, but she took it.  Poor baby.

We are getting more of a routine down pat, and we are having fun trying different foods and drinks, figuring out what they like and don’t like.  We’ve been to a few restaurants, and every server has been happy to help us in our exploration.  Aman is the most adventurous eater, however, usually after seeing Aman eating something and liking it, Serawit will decide she likes it too.

Still having fun!

The plan was to go swimming today.  However, we got a call from FACES (international adoption pediatric specialist at Cardinal Glennon) confirming our appointment for 12:30 today.  Ummmm  we got something from them in the mail that their appointments were not until July. That was a mistake.  So, as best as we could, at breakfast, we told the kids that we were not going swimming that we were instead going to the doctor.  Even found the Amharic word for doctor.  Well, after we said that, Serawit grabbed the inside of her elbow and screamed “NO!!”  and Aman had a horrified look on his face. No, kids, no needles, just going to get checked out.  I promise.

While I recommend FACES for everyone, as Dr. Ledage was very nice and very thorough, don’t expect speed.  We got there at 12:20, and didn’t leave until well after 4:00.   Also, the nice doctor ordered blood work.  Uh oh.

They so do not like us right now.

We are beginning to think that Aman was just surrounded by girls his own age in the transition home and not many boys.  We got out their new shoes to go with the clothes they were going to wear to church and Aman threw a fit because his shoes were not exactly like Serawit’s.  Actually they were alike (both Converse All Stars), but hers was pink and his was gray.  They did fine in church, but half way through the sermon he started quietly crying again, so Adam took him out to the lobby to calm him down.  Our friends there were so happy to see them and us.

We went to a restaurant for lunch, and they did very well.  They still will only drink water – even though they like lemon slices, they didn’t like lemonaid.  They liked their chicken, but not the orange slices we ordered with it.  I tried them, and they were the mandarin oranges that are packed in syrup – except for lollypops, the only sweets they like are those naturally sweetened.  They liked the bread, but instead of butter, dipped in marinara sauce.  The waitress had as much fun as we did exploring food with them.

After all the drama earlier, we figured they better take a nap before going out to meet their cousins.  This could not have been a better day to have done this.  For once, Serawit was in the gender minority, and Aman was truly in his element for a change.  Two boy cousins 4 and 8, and a girl cousin who is 11.  The pictures were the best thing we could have brought while in Ethiopia because they immediately recognized them, and were very happy.  There is a swingset in the back of Adam’s parent’s house and his mom set up a slip and slide at the end of the slide. The kids LOVED it.  Also, the boys have the big plastic cars that they can move around in, and Aman REALLY loved that.  I see the go-cart track in that boy’s future.  They got wet, so their hair was washed a lot sooner than I would have liked, but I brought the shea butter and hair tools and was able to fix Serawit’s hair before we left.  Her scalp is so dry I think I’m going to have to break down and use vaseline.  I hate putting something that is essentially crude oil on her head, but that’s what anyone who knows has told me works.

They didn’t like the grilled meat, and Aman liked the corn on the cob.  They like baked cheetos.   Besides the lollypops I believe that’s the first junk food they took to.  I think Aman liked the Capri Sun, but Serawit didn’t.

The kids were asleep in the car when we got home at 9:30.  I think they are ready for the swimming pool.

They like it when they have a doll or stuffed animal when we go somewhere.  To keep the drama down, I have been bringing the Raggedy Ann and Andy that my parents gave them, because they look similar.  I really need to get them something that looks more like them.  Maybe dark skinned cabbage patch kids – a boy for him and a girl for her?

We’ve been home on our third full day now.   They love their room, they still seem to like us, and they seem to tolerate the food we have been feeding them, for the most part.  They absolutely love the swing set we were surprised with being built while we were gone (Thanks, Uncle Jay, Chad and Ashley!).

The first full day, Adam and I were both not feeling well – but the kids were just fine.  Adam actually went to the urgent care.  I just had this weird vertigo thing that probably had to do with the long plane ride and getting used to the time change again and was going to go to the urgent care if it didn’t get better, but by Friday I felt almost human again.  We’re quickly finding out that Aman wants to play with all of Serawit’s toys, and vice verse, which is causing quite a few arguments.  Typical sibling stuff.  However, they do listen to us when it comes to the important stuff, like bathroom, bedtime, naptime, baths, come to the table for meals, etc.  So, we decided we have to change the parenting plan.  We aren’t throwing them into everything right away, but we are taking them out, and letting a few people at a time come over.  Finally yesterday, we separated them and had an afternoon of relative peace.  Adam took Aman and they both went out to get a hair cut, and I washed Serawit’s hair, painted her fingernails and toenails and put her hair up in new pom poms.  We watched TV together and she let me pamper her.

Funny about the TV, the only things they like to watch are the Amharic children’s DVDs we got them, and Barney.   Spongebob freaks them out now, and they don’t care for Thomas, Blue’s Clues, Sesame Street, Bob the Builder or even Dora.  They did sit with us to watch the first half of Shrek the other night, but I think they saw it as a treat because it was at their typical bedtime when we were in Ethiopia.

On the first full day, we went for a car ride around, which they liked.  The adventure made a stop at my parents’ house and they came out to say hi – we didn’t get out of the car.  At the end, we ended up at Jefferson Barracks.  In front of one of the buildings is an old WWII fighter airplane.  We drove by it and I pointed out the plane to the kids.  They both started screaming “no air-o-plan, mommy, no!!”  LOL!  So one of the running jokes is we say “airplane” just to get a rise out of them.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store because we were already out of bananas – they can’t get enough of the bananas.  We went in the morning when it wouldn’t be too crowded.  The kids pointed to all kinds of fruit that looked good to them so I decided on a big plate of fruit for lunch.  They liked everything but the watermelon.  I guessed they saw the melon and thought it was something else.

Earlier today, my sister, niece and sister’s friend here from England came over and we went to our favorite Chinese/Vietnamese restaurant for lunch.  The kids were very good.  They loved watching the fish in the fish tank.  I got them the curry chicken off the Vietnamese menu (got me some too), but instead of rice, I got them lo mein noodles (pasta!).  She didn’t like the chicken but he did.  They both loved the noodles.  She took the lemon off my iced tea and ate it.  The owner, Tien, thought that was cute and brought her a plate of lemon slices and she ate them all.  Hmmmm.

Food is interesting.  In everything I (and Adam) have fixed, they will eat something, and if they felt they didn’t get enough, or if they didn’t like the main part, they ask for a banana or mango – actually since we’ve been home they haven’t asked for any candy, nor have we offered it.  It was interesting Thursday night.  I had mustered the energy to make miser wat, to try to give them a taste of home.  Serawit came into the kitchen while I was cooking and I think she was surprised to see me cooking.  I made scrambled eggs that morning and they were still in bed.  At lunch we had leftover pizza and fruit.  I guess she thought we had a cook.  She was fascinated.  I got out the berbere and let her smell it and her eyes grew wide and ran to get Aman, and he was happy about it too.  I fixed it go over rice since we didn’t have any injera.  We sat down to dinner and after their cute Wolayta prayer, Serawit dug in and seemed to love it.  However, Aman had a bite and decided he didn’t like it and spit it out.  Then Serawit decided she didn’t like hers (this happened a lot over there).  So, I scraped off their plates and gave them miser wat with a tortilla and I told them it was American injera.  They both ate two bites and asked for bananas.

Yesterday for dinner, I fixed pasta with the Trader Joe’s Marinara sauce that I have doctored up with some garlic, olive oil and crushed red peppers.  They loved that.   This mornng, Adam had made homemade pancakes, and they loved that (whoo hoo 2 in a row).  They ate their pancakes in Ethiopia plain with bananas – so that’s how we served it.  Adam let them have a bite of his with the maple syrup and they seemed to like it.  Ok then.  We got it right twice in a row – whoo hoo!  Tonight I’m making an Indian dish, Chicken Korma.  Hope they like it – the flavors are similar to what we had over there.

Last night, friends of ours stopped by our house on their way back from Pigeon Forge.  They have two girls the same age.  They all played for a couple hours on the swing set, which was nice.

Tomorrow we are going to church, and then over to my sister-in-laws so they can play with their cousins, one of whom is the same age.  We are thinking about the zoo, and swimming on different days next week – during the week when it won’t be as crowded.  We are watching them closely to make sure we aren’t overwhelming them too much, but they seem to like getting out of the house and meeting other people.  The neighbors have all come over while we were playing in the back yard and they hammed it up with them.  They still find one of us if they have to go to the bathroom, or if they want anything at all, or if one falls down while playing – they know we are their parents.  Not ready to have a big party at the house or take them to Incredible Pizza, or anything like that. If you want to get together or come over, still please call us first.  We are still taking baby steps with it all.

This is really going so well that Adam and I are waiting for some proverbial ball to drop.  We are certainly not doing things the way we thought we would.  Not complaining – I wasn’t looking forward to staying holed up in the house with Adam and the kids for 30 days.

I do have that new mommy feeling – haven’t flat ironed my hair in 3 weeks, and maybe wore makeup 3 days in that time.  I hope I can find some time before church tomorrow morning to possibly fix my hair and put on a little makeup.  If not, oh well.  It doesn’t seem to bother me much.

The plane ride seems like a blur, but it actually went very well considering the kids.  They pretty much slept through the flight to Amsterdam.  The flight attendants were wonderful in helping us get the kids comfortable – in all the flights.  We got to Amsterdam before 6:00 a.m. and the first thing we did was to find a place to eat breakfast.  Would you believe the only place open at that time was McDonalds?  The one place we have been vowing to not take our kids to.  LOL!  It did happen to be a very nice McDonalds in an area overlooking a whole section of the airport.  So, to get there, the kids got to ride on the moving sidewalks for the first time, and the kids got to ride on a “lift” for the first time.  There was also an escalator and we also rode on that for good measure. For the record, Aman ate his egg McMuffin and Serawit wouldn’t touch it.  Good girl!  Fortunately they also had croissants, and she had one of those.  It was nice and quiet enough we just hung out there and watched the people until we had to find our gate.

The kids did well on the flight to Minneapolis, but Adam and I were grumpy.  There were other babies sitting around us and the kids love the littler ones!  We also realized that if you put a Serawit on a 9 hour flight, she’s going to need more anti-nausea medicine than what you give her before the flight.  Found out the hard way.  She was in Aman’s extra change of clothes when we landed.

Immigration took FOREVER!  However, in line, would you believe the man standing behind us in line was Ethiopian.  He was asking me about the kids and told me that he asked Aman if he spoke English and Aman said no.  He asked him if we spoke Amharic and Aman said no.  Then he asked how we communicate and Aman said “I don’t know.”  LOL!  We were a little leery about the Homeland Security officials, they were acting very cocky with everyone.  However, when it was finally our turn, the guy was very nice, and made the kids laugh.  Apparently he was adopted too.    Because it took so long in immigration we had to scramble to make our flight, and did with just enough time for me to go find Serawit a cute top to wear on the way back.

Unfortunately by this time, the kids were so not wanting to go on another “air-o-plan” so we had to do some holding and comforting, but by the time we had to board they were fine.  Also, again, the flight attendants were so helpful.   The flight was only an hour, but it seemed to me like the worst flight of them all.  I don’t know if my equilibrium was off but I felt every turn, every adjustment, and I didn’t like that at all.  There weren’t a lot of clouds in the sky so Aman was able to look out the window and see everything.  He was really amused.  Serawit slept.  However, by the time we landed, they were both excited to get off.  We took out their picture books, and started going through the pictures of the family as we descended.  We knew there would be some family, along with a couple of people from CHI waiting for us, but we weren’t prepared for all the flashing cameras.  The kids hammed it up, but Adam and I were a bit overwhelmed.  The grandparents got the kids teddy bears and bags of clothes and stuff.  Somehow we made it through all that, baggage pickup, and into the limo we pre-paid for the ride home, so we could have the kids on our laps and not have to worry about anything.

We were all so tired when we brought them home that I got them settled in their rooms, we ordered Imo’s pizza (Aman ate some, Serawit would have none of it, but instead ate a banana), we gave them their baths and put them to bed.  My head touched the pillow at 9:00.  I vaguely remember Adam saying he was going to take the motorcycle out to get some allergy medicine.

The best birthday ever!

Today was the day we fly home.  You could tell the kids were a bit nervous.  They were bickering with each other and couldn’t play with a toy or us for more than a minute.  Almaz and Tseguy came to lunch and dinner, and brought the Gabe Beyenne, who is the director of the Hope Orphanage in Mekele the northern Tigray region of Ethiopia – those families have to fly to that orphanage from Addis because it’s surrounded by mountains.

Gabe is a visionary.  Him and his wife are US citizens who came back to Ethiopia to help their orphans. We talked about his calling.  His orphanage has more of the older children than the babies because the babies get adopted more easily, but his goal is to care for the children most in need, and if they can be adopted great, and if not, then him and his wife are there.  A lot of the kids in his orphanage will probably not be placed for international adoption.  I asked him what his orphanage needs most and told him that I would post it here in case someone who reads this blog can help.  I included the website link to his orphanage above.   HOH has a merry go round, and other outside play stuff for the older kids.  He is wanting much of the same to give the kids an outlet for play.  I have no idea how much something like that would cost or how to get it over there, but I did want to bring it up in case someone out there can help.

Gabe rode to the airport with us, and was very helpful in getting us to the right gate with all our stuff.   The kids were so excited – every time a plane would fly over HOH II, Aman would run out to point it out to us.

Every night I ask Adam to do the blog and he tells me to do it, so here I am again.  (She lies!! (al)

We started the day off with breakfast again, and then we had a souvenir shopping trip.  We have been told that one parent should stay back with the kids.  Again, what I said earlier.  Frankly, all the preschoolers have been doing so well with the bonding that they could have stayed at HOH1 with the nannies for a few hours.  Still, when asked they wanted to go with us, which was fine – it was the same with the other kids.  We got a few things, but I talked to Almaz and she’s going to take just me on Monday or Tuesday to do some more shopping.  The kids were as good as can be expected in a market place.  Still, one girl got a doll, so all the other girls wanted dolls.  One girl got a necklace…  Really, this is a great sign that all the kids are bonding with their parents because they went to their mommies and daddies to throw their fits.  Rather, I think the other kids are bonding well, and that it was probably mine who was throwing the fit. 

On the way back, we stopped at a coffee shop and the guys in the van got out to go buy some coffee beans to take back.  Unbeknownst to us in the van, they were also drinking coffee, or so it looked.  What was really happening was that the guys asked for the coffee beans to be roasted, so they had to go in the back and actually roast them.  We are bringing back so much coffee.

We were running late for lunch – which was to be a traditional Ethiopian meal with coffee ceremony.  The food was delicious and Adam and I actually drank the coffee.  We had great conversations with the other parents, which we usually do, and the kids were as silly as usual.  I think Aman has a girlfriend – too bad her and her twin will be living in New York City.  Good times.

After lunch,  just before “quiet time”, we were all singing “Old MacDonald” and added a couple of lines.  He had a Aman with a “hee hee” here and a “hee hee” there.  He had a Serawit with  a “moooomeeee” here and a “moooomeeee” there (use the whiny voice).  Aman got a kick out of it,  Serawit thought we were making fun of her and told us to stop.  We changed that one on the next verse, but we still look at one another occasionally and do the “mooomeee” to each other.  By the way,  Aman’s refrain has become a “yesnoyes” here and a “yesnoyes” there (he says “yes, no, yes?” a lot and very quickly)

Dinner tonight was something we haven’t had in a while – PIZZA!!!  We have eaten EVERYTHING offered to us this week.  However, I had to pick off the mushrooms.  I will try just about anything, but mushrooms are my limit.  Much to our surprise and delight, the kids devoured the pizza.  Serawit was having trouble eating her piece and dropped it, which sent the kids laughing and laughing.  They are so cute.

The two other couples who were staying with us, and our social worker, left for the airport tonight.  It’s just us now.  One of the families had a 3-4 year old girl who the kids are friends with.  The kids were really good about saying good bye and not getting upset.   I do think they understand that they will see their friend in a few months.  That family lives in Maryville, Missouri, and I had thrown out there possibly going to the Renaissance Festival in Kansas City some time this fall and meeting up with them.

Speaking of which, we also learned that Tsegey (our in country representative – the person who runs all this here) and his wife are going to be in St. Louis some time in September.  The kids will love that.

Tonight was my second attempt at doing Serawit’s hair.  This time I washed it after the coffee ceremony, so it was dry after dinner.  Used a lot of product, but got the curls to loosen a little bit.  Put in bigger pom poms with the front one in a sparkly rubber band with sparkly stars on it.  When I finished I told Serawit she was “kanjo” (pretty) and showed her in the mirror.  She had the biggest smile on her face, kissed me on the cheek and said “thank you mommy.”

Up bright and early.  After breakfast, we took the kids over to HOH 1 and we went to the Bethzatha Orphanage there in Addis for the birth parent meeting.  The meeting was supposed to be at the Bethzatha Orphanage in Awassa but because of the potential of civil unrest after the elections in May, for our safety, the meeting was moved to the orphanage here.

We did meet with a birth relative.  Again, this falls into “their story” and we don’t want to go into who we met with and exactly what was said, except it was the saddest, most terrifying, heart wrenching, wonderful thing we have ever done in our lives.  We were ALL crying and hugging.  If anyone goes through this, definitely bring a picture book of all the pictures you have of your kid(s).  They will treasure it.  I was asked if I had a plastic bag to put it in, so it will stay nice.  Luckily, in “learned it the hard way” parenting, I happened to have one on hand.

While there, we got to unload the majority of the donations which filled two suitcases and a duffle bag.  We also spent time touring the facility and talking to one of the directors.  By third world orphanage standards, it was a very nice, top notch facility.  It was clean, it was colorful, and you could tell everyone who worked there had a calling for loving children.  The children also seemed happy there, especially the toddlers.  It was also heartwrenching sad hearing the back stories of some of the children.  I wish I could find a way to send a case of donations there once a year.  For anyone going anytime soon, what they need most is clothing for the older children (we did give them some).

We picked up the kids again at HOH 1 and came back in time for lunch and to have a bit of rest time, before we were back again to another heart string tugging experience at the Bright Hope School in Addis.  It’s a school for under privileged children from the surrounding leper colony.  The school is trying to build a self-sustaining farm, so the children can bring food home with them.  Recently, they were finally able to dig a clean water well – 110 meters deep (more than a football field).  Before then, they were without fresh water for decades.  The school is up one of the mountains in a heavily wooded and lush green area.  There were Eucalyptusan acacia trees all over and the smell was marvelous.  It was a much needed break from the pollution.  We are kicking ourselves for not remembering the official’s name who gave us the tour.  He took us to see the well, and took us through the farm, down a big hill, over a wall, and up another big hill to the chicken coop.  It was raining, muddy and very slippery.  Also, the official had one leg and did it with canes in his hands.  Who were we to refuse to follow him when he was willing to do that to show us.  The kids were troopers, by the way.

I’ve been following the progress of the Bright Hope School for some time.  Right now, they need to build a concrete wall to shore in the place because thieves have been stealing their chickens.  L  They need about $300,000 to complete the project, and people able to volunteer to build it.

We came back a muddy mess, cleaned up, and went to Abyssinia Ethiopian Restaurant, a traditional Ethiopian Restaurant that also had live music and dancing – located over by the embassies.  It was fun, but the kids were getting pretty tired towards the end.  The total cost for the wonderful meal and drink (Adam and I had our first alcoholic beverages since coming to Ethiopia.  I had a St. George beer and he had Tej (honey wine)) was 1,200 birr and we gave a 400 birr tip.  What that translates to is $120.00 or so total for 12 people for a fancy dinner with alcohol and tip.

More boundary testing with the kids, and a bit of drama – all normal, but wish we were at home dealing with it instead of here.

Forgot to add – Ashley tried to turn on her shower and the whole thing fell apart with water gushing out for about an hour.  We don’t feel quite as embarrassed for breaking the table and chair.