Our Big Step – Continued

The kids had a fantastic first Halloween.  We were cheap and went with costumes that my sister in law had instead of buying costumes for them.  Aman was a horse and Serawit was Piglet.  Very cute! If I can figure out how to upload pictures I will.

The funniest part was getting them to say their “trick.” We did lots of role playing. Eventually, we figured out that if Aman says the joke, and Serawit says the punchline, they could remember it better.

We have been barely home 2 months, and now we had to say good bye to controlling every aspect of their environment as we send them off to school.  Most families have 3-4 years to prepare for this – we had 2 months.  Wow.

Our son had his first day and for our daughter we met her teacher and spent an hour in the classroom and talked to her teachers.  All in all they had a good time. We got a call at home right before leaving to pick up our son and the caller ID identified the school district.  Adam and I both said “oh no what did he do or what did we forget” as Adam picked up the phone.  It was the ELL teacher telling us she observed him for a little bit and he seemed to be understanding the teacher and raising his hand at the appropriate time.  She also walked him to our car when he was dismissed.  That was so sweet!

Tomorrow, both kids go their full schedule.  Hope it goes as well as it did today.

Kids start school in 2 weeks.  I go back to work in 3.  Wow.

More firsts since the last blog…

- First overnight with grandma and grandpa Lueker.  Adam and I had a date night.  We had dinner at Copia Urban Winery and saw Inception on the IMAX.  Great time.

- First time the kids went to Monkey Joes.

- First time Aman ate a whole 12 inch pizza.

- EKC Barbecue last weekend.  The kids got to play with a bunch of other kids adopted from Ethiopia here in St. Louis.

- Aman is wearing glasses.  He is farsighted in both eyes, left worse than right.

Aman is registered for PM Kindergarten now.  So both kids will be starting and ending at the same time, right next door to each other.  ESL is available for Aman and I requested it.  We finally got their titers from FACES, so they start their vaccinations this week.    Poor kids.  We’re planning on taking them swimming afterward, so hopefully they won’t hate us too much.  Right now, their favorite activity is swimming.  They ask every day if they are going swimming.

Our first appointment to get professional pictures is on Thursday with The Picture People.

Just this last week, both Aman and Serawit have started to tell us about their life before we met them, going all the way back to before they went to the orphanage.  Some of it is very happy, and some of it is very sad.  Some is downright funny – which is heartening and really does explain their fun and loving demeanor.  I am writing down as much as I can, but am trying to get some of it on video if possible.  We are not prompting them and are just letting them decide what and when to tell us, so we aren’t always close to a video camera when it happens.  Or, I get the video camera and I forget how to use it.

With all due respect, it should bear repeating that along with their family history, this is their story, and it is very personal and private.  When they are old enough to understand, we are going to let them decide if anyone from close family to the whole world learns of it.  I know it’s easier said than done because I have slipped at times – we find their story as fascinating and interesting as many of you do.   It’s not like we are keeping secrets or being mean, we are simply being respectful of our kids, their story and their right to tell it.  PLEASE let them decide who and when to tell it.  That means, please don’t prod or prompt them either.  At the same time, if they happen to feel like telling you anything, please let us know so we can write it down and have a record of it because we don’t know how much of their past story they will retain.

Another thing that should bear repeating based on some recent comments from well-meaning friends, and this is from the earlier blog near the beginning, (1) the definition of orphan is not the same here as it is in the rest of the world; (2) for the children to be placed for international adoption, their parent(s)/birth relatives/guardian who relinquished them has to appear in court not once, but twice, to state under oath in front of a federal judge that they are relinquishing them; and, (3) and this is new, from our experience in Ethiopia and from our biological relative meeting, any thoughts regarding even the slightest possibility of anything nefarious in the adoption was put to rest big time.   From what I heard from the kids just today, puts it to rest even more.  The kids were simply meant to be ours.  What we did to deserve such a blessing, we are not sure, but we’re pretty darn thankful.

Off soapbox and back to fun stuff.  We are starting to figure out the kids’ interests and how it may play out in extra-curricular stuff.  Aman got to participate in my nephew’s karate class a couple weeks ago.  Our church happens to offer it.  Serawit participated in my niece’s dance class and really liked that.  I was considering putting them both in gymnastics, but now I’m thinking karate for him and dance for her.  Karate is do-able, but we are trying to figure out dance tuition.  I sent an e-mail to DeNoyer.  I went there when I was teeny tiny.  If it and other studios are too horrible, I already have tuition information for Barron Gymnastics and that is do-able.  This year is just a little tight.  Next year they will be able to do just about anything they want within reason.

Oh my goodness, it’s been a week.

The next day Aman was doing much better.  I went to lunch with my boss and a co-worker and came back to work to a shower for the kids that included cake and some very generous presents.  The kids didn’t seem to like cake the last time we gave it to them, but this time Aman ate two pieces.  My co-workers think that’s why he threw up later, but I think he really had a 24 hour bug and just hadn’t gotten rid of it yet.  Serawit also ended up getting the same thing on Saturday (threw up in the car on the way to go swimming – whoo hoo!), but she is also feeling much better.

Adam went back to work this week.  I think we did just fine.  The kids were a little confused at first, but I think they got it.  I kept them busy, and if we were at home, quiet.

Yesterday we went to my aunt and uncle’s house.  My cousins painted these really cool prints of Spongebob, Mickey and Minny Mouse, and their names.  I can’t wait until we can get their beds bunked, so we can find places to put them on the wall.

Had a few firsts last week – easier to just list them.

- First time kids went to “Kids’ Church” during our church service.  They did just fine.

- Serawit got enrolled into preschool through the school district.  She’ll be going Monday through Thursday in the afternoons. Have to wait until August 2 to enroll Aman.

- First time at Chuck E. Cheese – luckily it was not too crowded.  Aman liked riding the mechanical horse, and having his picture taken for cards.  Serawit loved the egg game.  They did not get the ticket : present concept, and I was cool with keeping it that way.

- Did Serawit’s hair in two finger twists for the first time.  I think it came out cute.

- Their first Jimmy John’s.  Aman loved it – he’s getting a whole sandwich next time.  Serawit took two bites of her half, pulled the turkey and cheese out, and ate the rest with just lettuce and mayo.  Oh well.

- First time at City Garden after the shower and before Aman got sick.  They loved both the sprinklers, and the pool.

I have been battling a yucky cough for a few days, and just feeling blah.  However, last weekend was supposed to be all about the kids, so the original plan was to grin and bear it.  Saturday was the annual CHI reunion, which we went to for the first time with the kids.  We met up with two of the traveling families we were with, and one of the kids who was friends with our kids.  We also met another family with a son who the kids remembered from the orphanage and transition home.  Plus a former co-worker of Adam’s, who had adopted with Russia.  Along with many other families.  There were crafts, games, and live entertainment for the kids, plus a huge playground outside for those wanting to brave the heat.  The kids had a blast!

The plan was afterwards to meet some of the other families at the St. Louis Zoo.  However in transit, Aman started complaining of a tummy ache, and I started running a fever.  So, we ended up going home.  Our movie of the night on Saturday was Mary Poppins.  Some of the songs played at the reunion were in the movie, so we thought the kids should see where they came from.  They seemed to enjoy that, or so I was told because I fell asleep in the beginning of the movie.

My sister picked up Serawit on Sunday for a few hours to play with her cousin, and Adam and Aman went to a remote control car race thingy in Kirkwood.  I got to stay home and cough.

Today, we were all feeling better and decided to go to the Science Center for a few hours, then we went to the Ethiopian restaurant for lunch.  The kids weren’t that hungry and didn’t eat as much as they usually do.  Strange.  We got home and both kids ran into the bedroom and went right to their naps without any prompting from us.  Even stranger.  2 1/2 hours later when I checked on them, Aman was burning up and Serawit felt like she had a low grade fever, but she was up and playing in her bed. By bedtime, Aman’s fever dropped some, and Serawit seemed just fine.  He doesn’t have the cough that I had, and seems like his tummy is still bothering him.  I talked to the experienced mom in the family, my baby sister, and she pretty much told me the same thing Adam and I were thinking, which is that I guess I’m calling the doctor in the morning.

Adam went back to work tonight and I already feel a little lost without him here.  I’m going to sleep a few hours and then give Aman another dose of Tylenol.  Poor kid.

This is part of what happened today, but it deserves it’s own blog. 

One of the first songs we taught the kids to sing is “Old McDonald.”  After a few days, we started changing it around.  We decided that Old McDonald had an Aman with a “Yes…No…Yes…No.”  At that time, whenever he would ask to see if he could do something, he would follow it with a “Yes…No…Yes…No…”   Also at that time, if Serawit wanted to blink her eyes or anything else she would yell “MOMMY”  in the most pathetic way you could imagine, so when Old McDonald had a Serawit, it would be with a “MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY.”  The kids quickly figured out we were teasing them.  They also figured out they could use that to tease each other.  It’s been an on-going inside joke with us ever since.

Today on the way back from the pool, Aman started singing Old McDonald, and this time Old McDonald had a Mommy.  Mommy goes “Stop!  Stop!  Stop!”

So, we get together with our friends Mark and Laura, and their daughter Elisabeth, our goddaughter, today to go swimming.  We go swimming out at Melody Lake, a community just inside Gasconade County – the pool is nice and always just about empty.  Adam had a dentist appointment in Washington, MO and he really wanted to ride his motorcycle, and Mark really wanted to ride his new motorcycle, so they each rode to Adam’s dentist appointment.  I was to drive Laura, Elisabeth and the kids.  No problem.  Got the kids ready, picked Laura and Elisabeth up, ate lunch (Lion’s Choice – Aman likes roast beef sandwiches – Serawit doesn’t), and off we went.  Just had to stop at Walgreens for sunscreen.  We pull in, and I, being the new mom, debate on letting the kids go in with us or just let Elisabeth, who is older, keep an eye on them while we zip in and out.  In my debating I happened to roll down the windows.  Then we decided to just let them come with us, so I rolled them back up.

I then heard a blood-curdling scream from Serawit.  She had decided to stick her little fingers on the window and didn’t pull them away on time, and I didn’t see this.  Also, I was having issues with the child safety locks or something and couldn’t get them back down.  After I was able to free her, I looked at her little fingers, and they were dented – that’s the best way to describe it, but there was no blood.  She was crying so hard.

The Walgreens we were at had a Take Care Clinic, so just to be safe, we went over there to sign up.  The nurse took one look and said we were better off going to the Urgent Care.  At that time, Mark calls Laura to say that his work called him and he needed his lap top.  So we drove to the Urgent Care, and I let Laura drive my car to pick up the lap top.

Oops one problem.  I have NO insurance information on her.  I had called Adam when this first happened (found out later he was still on the dentist’s chair).  The good thing about his working for Walgreens as long as he had, is that he knows everyone, so while we were at the Take Care Clinic in Fenton, he went over to the Washington Walgreens and had them put her insurance information on the system there.  Then when we went to the urgent care, I called him back and he had the folks at the Washington Walgreens fax the information to the urgent care.  The timing was perfect.  As I was telling them we didn’t have an insurance card on her yet, someone came by to say the fax with the information had arrived.

So, we are sitting in the little room waiting for the nurse to take her vitals, and Serawit is coloring in the book the staff had given them with the hand that had the fingers that were hurt.  Yep, I think she was just fine.  However, they took x-rays to be sure and she just bruised it.

Then we went swimming where we got to watch the kids do all kinds of things that made me wonder if there were going to be further urgent care visits that day. The good news is that Aman is swimming with no floaties in the deep end and is very close to diving and being able to do the crawl stroke.  Serawit (with her floaties becuase I won’t let her take them off) has no fear and swims everywhere her brother swims.  She also likes to jump into the kiddie pool knees first (see what I said about thinking there would be more than one urgent care visit today).  Elisabeth loved playing with the kids.  It did rain, but we saw no lightning.  Also the pool was virtually ours the entire time.  Adam and Mark eventually joined us.  We all dried off and had pizza at grandma and grandpa’s house, and then went home.

Adam and Mark got soaked in the rain coming back – poor guys.  Also a special thank you to Laura for helping me through my kid’s first semi-serious owie.

After all the excitement over the weekend, we decided to hang out and chill on Monday.   I played with the kids on the swing set all morning and a good chunk of the afternoon.  We met some friends for dinner at the River City Casino Buffet (the kids’ first buffet restaurant).  The friends did not have any presents for the kids, and they let us get the kids their food – yes!  Further, the kids kept the showing off to a minimum, ate just about everything we gave them, and didn’t play the “I want, no I don’t want, oh sure I want it, nope didn’t really want it” game.

We can’t get mad at anyone or complain about anything that happened over the weekend.  Wonderful friends and family opened their homes up to us and shared in our excitement at the new and improved look of our family.  The kids had a great time.  We had a great time.  The kids got some neat stuff.  However their demeanor in spending most of the day when it’s just us, compared to the excitement of lots of new people, new houses, new stuff and new swimming pools, was night and day. We kind of felt like horrible parents over the weekend having to say “no” more than “yes,” but on Monday we hardly had to get on them about anything.

I know people are going to tell me it’s just kids in general, and maybe that’s it.  Still, tomorrow, it will be 30 days since the kids have been in our arms, and on Wednesday it will be only 3 weeks since we’ve been home.  Even though it seems like they have bonded with us, and they seem like the happiest kids in the world, they are still dealing with separation, loss, and the idea that we are their parents and this is their home (and they will for some time), and we still need to work with them on that.  Right now it’s coming out in panic attacks when they wake up in the morning.  I think they start waking up thinking they are in one place (their original home, the orphanage, the transition home, the suite at HOH with us, could be any of those places) and see they are in another and get confused.  Bless their little hearts.  A good friend last night was telling me that she, as an adult, was getting them when she was in the process of buying a home, and then less than a month after that, traveled to South Africa on a Rotary International exchange group, sleeping at different homes.  If that can easily happen with an adult, I can only imagine what the kids are going through.

The kids love fireworks.  Aman can swim without floaties.  Had lots of fun at my aunt and uncle’s on Saturday and friends’  house tonight.

Parents of biological children marvel how their kids figure out how to do stuff as they get older.

We have been marveling at what our children already know.  It’s kind of the same principle.  We as parents still ooooh and aaaaah, and have to brag to everyone and show pictures if we have them.

There was the gardening.  At the Magic House yesterday (with my sister and her baby daughter), we figured out that they know their colors – Aman has just about all of them down in English. Food has been the most fun.  We are always surprised at what they decide they like and what they decide they don’t like.  Like typical preschoolers they may like one thing one day, but two days later, not want any of it. However, they are still most happy with Ethiopian food.  We’re not complaining.

They are also keen observers.  Thinking back, I did pull some weeds when I had them with me, so I think that’s how they figured it out.

On Monday, we went swimming for the first time.  My in-laws own a little plot of land in this organized community out way past Union, MO.  There is a pool there for the owners, which is very nice, and never crowded.  Adam ended up having to help my father in law with something, so I took the kids with my mother in law and my two nephews – one is 4 and the other 8.  The 8 year old has Downs and ADHD and is a real handful.  So basically I was on my own with the kids.  I consider myself a strong swimmer so I wasn’t too worried, but still a little nervous.  They like the slip and slide ok, but we really didn’t know how they would do in a body of water (I’m sorry – it’s a body of wu-ha).  We had been working on them knowing to stay with me when we go places and had been doing very well, i.e. I can take them to the grocery store without any problems.  However, when they saw the pool, they both ripped off their T-shirt/coverup and flip flops, and before I could drop the towels, etc. to run after them, they were in the kiddie pool.  By the time I got to the edge of the pool, Aman had swam underwater to the other side, and Serawit had gone under, come back up, and was spashing around laughing.  I think they can swim.  Come to find out later when I took them both into the big pool, they can’t tread water, but Aman is a little fish, and Serawit wants to be.  I was so happy to find that out, but I’m also a bit scared because they have no fear.  Whatsoever.  We went out again today and they were just great.  We can stick them in an innertube and I can do laps while pushing or pulling them with me – exercise!  Once they learn some more English, they will probably be in swimming lessons.

Tomorrow, it’s the zoo in the morning, and back to the pool in the afternoon.