Our Big Step – Continued

Parents of biological children marvel how their kids figure out how to do stuff as they get older.

We have been marveling at what our children already know.  It’s kind of the same principle.  We as parents still ooooh and aaaaah, and have to brag to everyone and show pictures if we have them.

There was the gardening.  At the Magic House yesterday (with my sister and her baby daughter), we figured out that they know their colors – Aman has just about all of them down in English. Food has been the most fun.  We are always surprised at what they decide they like and what they decide they don’t like.  Like typical preschoolers they may like one thing one day, but two days later, not want any of it. However, they are still most happy with Ethiopian food.  We’re not complaining.

They are also keen observers.  Thinking back, I did pull some weeds when I had them with me, so I think that’s how they figured it out.

On Monday, we went swimming for the first time.  My in-laws own a little plot of land in this organized community out way past Union, MO.  There is a pool there for the owners, which is very nice, and never crowded.  Adam ended up having to help my father in law with something, so I took the kids with my mother in law and my two nephews – one is 4 and the other 8.  The 8 year old has Downs and ADHD and is a real handful.  So basically I was on my own with the kids.  I consider myself a strong swimmer so I wasn’t too worried, but still a little nervous.  They like the slip and slide ok, but we really didn’t know how they would do in a body of water (I’m sorry – it’s a body of wu-ha).  We had been working on them knowing to stay with me when we go places and had been doing very well, i.e. I can take them to the grocery store without any problems.  However, when they saw the pool, they both ripped off their T-shirt/coverup and flip flops, and before I could drop the towels, etc. to run after them, they were in the kiddie pool.  By the time I got to the edge of the pool, Aman had swam underwater to the other side, and Serawit had gone under, come back up, and was spashing around laughing.  I think they can swim.  Come to find out later when I took them both into the big pool, they can’t tread water, but Aman is a little fish, and Serawit wants to be.  I was so happy to find that out, but I’m also a bit scared because they have no fear.  Whatsoever.  We went out again today and they were just great.  We can stick them in an innertube and I can do laps while pushing or pulling them with me – exercise!  Once they learn some more English, they will probably be in swimming lessons.

Tomorrow, it’s the zoo in the morning, and back to the pool in the afternoon.

After dinner tonight, I told them they could go outside to play for a little while before their bath time.  They ran out and I did too.  A little later I had to run inside to get something.  When I came back  I looked over at the swing set and they were not there.  For a half second I panicked then I looked over at the flower garden.  There they were, pulling weeds, and just weeds.  They were laughing and singing and having a good time about it.  I have not shown them what a weed was, they just knew, and they did a pretty good job.

The reason…  Dierbergs has a shopping cart that both kids can sit in.  Aman wanted to sit in the shopping cart, darn it!  They have the cute little carts for the kids, but he would have none of it.  So, Trader Joe’s only if one kid is with us and that kid is Serawit.  Aman is just too big for the little shopping cart.  The good part of it is that we found healthy animal crackers that they seem to really like – so another snack to add that they like.

It was a fun day.  We started off going to see a friend who works at the Whittle Shortline Railroad in Fenton.  It’s a wooden train and wooden puzzle store, but for the kids, when you walk in, there are these tables set up with wooden train sets, and the kids are allowed to go to town.  Don’t have to buy anything.  The kids LOVED it.

This evening, my sister, her boyfriend, and his daughter (same age as Serawit) came over for dinner.  I actually, like, really cooked for the first time in weeks, and grilled thick cut pork chops that I had brined ahead of time, and grilled corn on the cob, and roasted some regular and sweet potatoes.  Then we played on the slip and slide.  Afterward we enjoyed grilled pineapple.  The kids had fun rolling around in the water and sliding down the slide we had set up.

Just put them down and they went right to sleep.  Nighty Night!

Everything is continuing to go well.  The kids seem to like playing in the water, and as soon as the pool gets fixed at Melody Lake, we will be out there.

They are continuing to test boundaries, which kind of wears on us after a while, but we know that the work we do now will make it easier later.  Today for the first time, they resisted bedtime, even though this is the latest we let them stay up (we watched Toy Story, which ended at 10:30).

They are continuing to have possession issues, especially with each other’s stuff.  I had talked to our social worker at CHI about it earlier, and how we were considering putting them in separate bedrooms sooner rather than later.  She urged us to keep things the way they are now, and explained that while they may be acting like typical kids and typical siblings, there is the added layer of their orphanage existence, and not ever having had possessions of their own before.  They don’t understand the concept of something being Aman’s only, or Serawit’s only, versus both of theirs.  They don’t understand that it is not going to be taken away, and they will get even more.  It gets more confusing when they go to someone else’s house, pick up something they like, and said person tells them they can keep it.   I know, I know, your preschooler doesn’t/didn’t understand that either.  The fact is, your angels probably understand/understood more than you think.   With our kids, we kind of have to teach them from the infant level up.   Thankfully, they are not hoarding, which is definitely a sign of problems, but because they act like regular kids, everyone wants to treat them like regular kids – we find ourselves doing the same thing.  The stuff they fight over the most are what they have gotten from other people – especially the stuff one will pick up at another’s house and then are told they can take it.  My wonderful well-meaning friends and family simply have to stop doing that for right now.  Eventually, you will have ample opportunity to spoil them rotten and send them back.  Please let us work with them for a little while first.

Another thing we were hoping to wait on was taking yucky medications.  Serawit unfortunately has a rather nasty case of ringworm, meaning 6 weeks of daily oral medication that tastes absolutely gross.  Yesterday was the first day and we had to give it to her three times before she would actually swallow it and not spit it up.  Tonight was better.  We had lots of tears and crying, but she took it.  Poor baby.

We are getting more of a routine down pat, and we are having fun trying different foods and drinks, figuring out what they like and don’t like.  We’ve been to a few restaurants, and every server has been happy to help us in our exploration.  Aman is the most adventurous eater, however, usually after seeing Aman eating something and liking it, Serawit will decide she likes it too.

Still having fun!

The plan was to go swimming today.  However, we got a call from FACES (international adoption pediatric specialist at Cardinal Glennon) confirming our appointment for 12:30 today.  Ummmm  we got something from them in the mail that their appointments were not until July. That was a mistake.  So, as best as we could, at breakfast, we told the kids that we were not going swimming that we were instead going to the doctor.  Even found the Amharic word for doctor.  Well, after we said that, Serawit grabbed the inside of her elbow and screamed “NO!!”  and Aman had a horrified look on his face. No, kids, no needles, just going to get checked out.  I promise.

While I recommend FACES for everyone, as Dr. Ledage was very nice and very thorough, don’t expect speed.  We got there at 12:20, and didn’t leave until well after 4:00.   Also, the nice doctor ordered blood work.  Uh oh.

They so do not like us right now.

We are beginning to think that Aman was just surrounded by girls his own age in the transition home and not many boys.  We got out their new shoes to go with the clothes they were going to wear to church and Aman threw a fit because his shoes were not exactly like Serawit’s.  Actually they were alike (both Converse All Stars), but hers was pink and his was gray.  They did fine in church, but half way through the sermon he started quietly crying again, so Adam took him out to the lobby to calm him down.  Our friends there were so happy to see them and us.

We went to a restaurant for lunch, and they did very well.  They still will only drink water – even though they like lemon slices, they didn’t like lemonaid.  They liked their chicken, but not the orange slices we ordered with it.  I tried them, and they were the mandarin oranges that are packed in syrup – except for lollypops, the only sweets they like are those naturally sweetened.  They liked the bread, but instead of butter, dipped in marinara sauce.  The waitress had as much fun as we did exploring food with them.

After all the drama earlier, we figured they better take a nap before going out to meet their cousins.  This could not have been a better day to have done this.  For once, Serawit was in the gender minority, and Aman was truly in his element for a change.  Two boy cousins 4 and 8, and a girl cousin who is 11.  The pictures were the best thing we could have brought while in Ethiopia because they immediately recognized them, and were very happy.  There is a swingset in the back of Adam’s parent’s house and his mom set up a slip and slide at the end of the slide. The kids LOVED it.  Also, the boys have the big plastic cars that they can move around in, and Aman REALLY loved that.  I see the go-cart track in that boy’s future.  They got wet, so their hair was washed a lot sooner than I would have liked, but I brought the shea butter and hair tools and was able to fix Serawit’s hair before we left.  Her scalp is so dry I think I’m going to have to break down and use vaseline.  I hate putting something that is essentially crude oil on her head, but that’s what anyone who knows has told me works.

They didn’t like the grilled meat, and Aman liked the corn on the cob.  They like baked cheetos.   Besides the lollypops I believe that’s the first junk food they took to.  I think Aman liked the Capri Sun, but Serawit didn’t.

The kids were asleep in the car when we got home at 9:30.  I think they are ready for the swimming pool.

They like it when they have a doll or stuffed animal when we go somewhere.  To keep the drama down, I have been bringing the Raggedy Ann and Andy that my parents gave them, because they look similar.  I really need to get them something that looks more like them.  Maybe dark skinned cabbage patch kids – a boy for him and a girl for her?

We’ve been home on our third full day now.   They love their room, they still seem to like us, and they seem to tolerate the food we have been feeding them, for the most part.  They absolutely love the swing set we were surprised with being built while we were gone (Thanks, Uncle Jay, Chad and Ashley!).

The first full day, Adam and I were both not feeling well – but the kids were just fine.  Adam actually went to the urgent care.  I just had this weird vertigo thing that probably had to do with the long plane ride and getting used to the time change again and was going to go to the urgent care if it didn’t get better, but by Friday I felt almost human again.  We’re quickly finding out that Aman wants to play with all of Serawit’s toys, and vice verse, which is causing quite a few arguments.  Typical sibling stuff.  However, they do listen to us when it comes to the important stuff, like bathroom, bedtime, naptime, baths, come to the table for meals, etc.  So, we decided we have to change the parenting plan.  We aren’t throwing them into everything right away, but we are taking them out, and letting a few people at a time come over.  Finally yesterday, we separated them and had an afternoon of relative peace.  Adam took Aman and they both went out to get a hair cut, and I washed Serawit’s hair, painted her fingernails and toenails and put her hair up in new pom poms.  We watched TV together and she let me pamper her.

Funny about the TV, the only things they like to watch are the Amharic children’s DVDs we got them, and Barney.   Spongebob freaks them out now, and they don’t care for Thomas, Blue’s Clues, Sesame Street, Bob the Builder or even Dora.  They did sit with us to watch the first half of Shrek the other night, but I think they saw it as a treat because it was at their typical bedtime when we were in Ethiopia.

On the first full day, we went for a car ride around, which they liked.  The adventure made a stop at my parents’ house and they came out to say hi – we didn’t get out of the car.  At the end, we ended up at Jefferson Barracks.  In front of one of the buildings is an old WWII fighter airplane.  We drove by it and I pointed out the plane to the kids.  They both started screaming “no air-o-plan, mommy, no!!”  LOL!  So one of the running jokes is we say “airplane” just to get a rise out of them.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store because we were already out of bananas – they can’t get enough of the bananas.  We went in the morning when it wouldn’t be too crowded.  The kids pointed to all kinds of fruit that looked good to them so I decided on a big plate of fruit for lunch.  They liked everything but the watermelon.  I guessed they saw the melon and thought it was something else.

Earlier today, my sister, niece and sister’s friend here from England came over and we went to our favorite Chinese/Vietnamese restaurant for lunch.  The kids were very good.  They loved watching the fish in the fish tank.  I got them the curry chicken off the Vietnamese menu (got me some too), but instead of rice, I got them lo mein noodles (pasta!).  She didn’t like the chicken but he did.  They both loved the noodles.  She took the lemon off my iced tea and ate it.  The owner, Tien, thought that was cute and brought her a plate of lemon slices and she ate them all.  Hmmmm.

Food is interesting.  In everything I (and Adam) have fixed, they will eat something, and if they felt they didn’t get enough, or if they didn’t like the main part, they ask for a banana or mango – actually since we’ve been home they haven’t asked for any candy, nor have we offered it.  It was interesting Thursday night.  I had mustered the energy to make miser wat, to try to give them a taste of home.  Serawit came into the kitchen while I was cooking and I think she was surprised to see me cooking.  I made scrambled eggs that morning and they were still in bed.  At lunch we had leftover pizza and fruit.  I guess she thought we had a cook.  She was fascinated.  I got out the berbere and let her smell it and her eyes grew wide and ran to get Aman, and he was happy about it too.  I fixed it go over rice since we didn’t have any injera.  We sat down to dinner and after their cute Wolayta prayer, Serawit dug in and seemed to love it.  However, Aman had a bite and decided he didn’t like it and spit it out.  Then Serawit decided she didn’t like hers (this happened a lot over there).  So, I scraped off their plates and gave them miser wat with a tortilla and I told them it was American injera.  They both ate two bites and asked for bananas.

Yesterday for dinner, I fixed pasta with the Trader Joe’s Marinara sauce that I have doctored up with some garlic, olive oil and crushed red peppers.  They loved that.   This mornng, Adam had made homemade pancakes, and they loved that (whoo hoo 2 in a row).  They ate their pancakes in Ethiopia plain with bananas – so that’s how we served it.  Adam let them have a bite of his with the maple syrup and they seemed to like it.  Ok then.  We got it right twice in a row – whoo hoo!  Tonight I’m making an Indian dish, Chicken Korma.  Hope they like it – the flavors are similar to what we had over there.

Last night, friends of ours stopped by our house on their way back from Pigeon Forge.  They have two girls the same age.  They all played for a couple hours on the swing set, which was nice.

Tomorrow we are going to church, and then over to my sister-in-laws so they can play with their cousins, one of whom is the same age.  We are thinking about the zoo, and swimming on different days next week – during the week when it won’t be as crowded.  We are watching them closely to make sure we aren’t overwhelming them too much, but they seem to like getting out of the house and meeting other people.  The neighbors have all come over while we were playing in the back yard and they hammed it up with them.  They still find one of us if they have to go to the bathroom, or if they want anything at all, or if one falls down while playing – they know we are their parents.  Not ready to have a big party at the house or take them to Incredible Pizza, or anything like that. If you want to get together or come over, still please call us first.  We are still taking baby steps with it all.

This is really going so well that Adam and I are waiting for some proverbial ball to drop.  We are certainly not doing things the way we thought we would.  Not complaining – I wasn’t looking forward to staying holed up in the house with Adam and the kids for 30 days.

I do have that new mommy feeling – haven’t flat ironed my hair in 3 weeks, and maybe wore makeup 3 days in that time.  I hope I can find some time before church tomorrow morning to possibly fix my hair and put on a little makeup.  If not, oh well.  It doesn’t seem to bother me much.

The plane ride seems like a blur, but it actually went very well considering the kids.  They pretty much slept through the flight to Amsterdam.  The flight attendants were wonderful in helping us get the kids comfortable – in all the flights.  We got to Amsterdam before 6:00 a.m. and the first thing we did was to find a place to eat breakfast.  Would you believe the only place open at that time was McDonalds?  The one place we have been vowing to not take our kids to.  LOL!  It did happen to be a very nice McDonalds in an area overlooking a whole section of the airport.  So, to get there, the kids got to ride on the moving sidewalks for the first time, and the kids got to ride on a “lift” for the first time.  There was also an escalator and we also rode on that for good measure. For the record, Aman ate his egg McMuffin and Serawit wouldn’t touch it.  Good girl!  Fortunately they also had croissants, and she had one of those.  It was nice and quiet enough we just hung out there and watched the people until we had to find our gate.

The kids did well on the flight to Minneapolis, but Adam and I were grumpy.  There were other babies sitting around us and the kids love the littler ones!  We also realized that if you put a Serawit on a 9 hour flight, she’s going to need more anti-nausea medicine than what you give her before the flight.  Found out the hard way.  She was in Aman’s extra change of clothes when we landed.

Immigration took FOREVER!  However, in line, would you believe the man standing behind us in line was Ethiopian.  He was asking me about the kids and told me that he asked Aman if he spoke English and Aman said no.  He asked him if we spoke Amharic and Aman said no.  Then he asked how we communicate and Aman said “I don’t know.”  LOL!  We were a little leery about the Homeland Security officials, they were acting very cocky with everyone.  However, when it was finally our turn, the guy was very nice, and made the kids laugh.  Apparently he was adopted too.    Because it took so long in immigration we had to scramble to make our flight, and did with just enough time for me to go find Serawit a cute top to wear on the way back.

Unfortunately by this time, the kids were so not wanting to go on another “air-o-plan” so we had to do some holding and comforting, but by the time we had to board they were fine.  Also, again, the flight attendants were so helpful.   The flight was only an hour, but it seemed to me like the worst flight of them all.  I don’t know if my equilibrium was off but I felt every turn, every adjustment, and I didn’t like that at all.  There weren’t a lot of clouds in the sky so Aman was able to look out the window and see everything.  He was really amused.  Serawit slept.  However, by the time we landed, they were both excited to get off.  We took out their picture books, and started going through the pictures of the family as we descended.  We knew there would be some family, along with a couple of people from CHI waiting for us, but we weren’t prepared for all the flashing cameras.  The kids hammed it up, but Adam and I were a bit overwhelmed.  The grandparents got the kids teddy bears and bags of clothes and stuff.  Somehow we made it through all that, baggage pickup, and into the limo we pre-paid for the ride home, so we could have the kids on our laps and not have to worry about anything.

We were all so tired when we brought them home that I got them settled in their rooms, we ordered Imo’s pizza (Aman ate some, Serawit would have none of it, but instead ate a banana), we gave them their baths and put them to bed.  My head touched the pillow at 9:00.  I vaguely remember Adam saying he was going to take the motorcycle out to get some allergy medicine.

The best birthday ever!

Today was the day we fly home.  You could tell the kids were a bit nervous.  They were bickering with each other and couldn’t play with a toy or us for more than a minute.  Almaz and Tseguy came to lunch and dinner, and brought the Gabe Beyenne, who is the director of the Hope Orphanage in Mekele the northern Tigray region of Ethiopia – those families have to fly to that orphanage from Addis because it’s surrounded by mountains.

Gabe is a visionary.  Him and his wife are US citizens who came back to Ethiopia to help their orphans. We talked about his calling.  His orphanage has more of the older children than the babies because the babies get adopted more easily, but his goal is to care for the children most in need, and if they can be adopted great, and if not, then him and his wife are there.  A lot of the kids in his orphanage will probably not be placed for international adoption.  I asked him what his orphanage needs most and told him that I would post it here in case someone who reads this blog can help.  I included the website link to his orphanage above.   HOH has a merry go round, and other outside play stuff for the older kids.  He is wanting much of the same to give the kids an outlet for play.  I have no idea how much something like that would cost or how to get it over there, but I did want to bring it up in case someone out there can help.

Gabe rode to the airport with us, and was very helpful in getting us to the right gate with all our stuff.   The kids were so excited – every time a plane would fly over HOH II, Aman would run out to point it out to us.

Our first full day without any of the other kids.  Adam and I wanted to sleep in so bad, but they will get us out of bed if we are not up and ready for breakfast, which was at 7:45 a.m. this morning.  Serawit was needing to go potty at 6:45, but she went back to bed afterwards.  We had to wake Aman up.  After breakfast, the kids decided they wanted to play with the playdough.  After playing with it for a while, they used the cans as cookie cutters and cut out their own “injera” and later after that had daddy cut the injera into strips – pasta!  Then they pretend fed us.  Almaz came at 11:00 to take me shopping.  I went to a couple of stores, and got some more stuff to give to family and friends, and for the kids.   We asked them to explain to Aman and Serawit that they were going to go home with us tomorrow night, and apparently, they already understood.  J

Came back and we had the pleasure of having Almaz and Tseguy with us for lunch.  I think they thought we were lonely – it was very kind of them.  After lunch we decided to try something new and not put them down for “quiet time” until around 2ish, when the rain seems to start every day.  I think the staff got used to when we had quiet time after lunch and I do believe we were in their way.  Finally one asked if we were going to put them down, and we just decided to do so.  Aman has been so tired lately, so instead of just letting them read their books in the bed, we took the books away and gave them the sign language for sleep.  Serawit didn’t like that very much, but we didn’t budge so she didn’t have much of a choice.  They both slept for about 90 minutes when we got them up.

Tonight we let them watch Tseghi Loves Learning and Barney, and they loved them both.  I debated on washing their hair and decided not to.  I did undo her pom poms and freshened them up.  Adam and I are debating how soon we should take him to a barber.

Nice quiet day.  Tomorrow at the time I’m writing this, we’ll be at the airport.

Final Thoughts on Ethiopia

Where do we start.  I know when I (Felicia) were reading various adoption blogs when we first started the process, one caught my eye that Ethiopia is both beautiful and terrible.  Yep, that sums it up in a nutshell.  I still didn’t understand what that meant until we got here, and I don’t think we can come up with the words to describe the experience we’ve had the last 8-9 days.  After driving through Jamaica and seeing the conditions people lived in, we thought we were prepared.  We were not by a long shot.  Take Jamaica’s poor, make them 10x poorer (and poor really isn’t the correct word, because the people were so rich in their faith and character), and add an unbelievable amount of pollution, and you might come close.  There were amazing contrasts.  Addis Ababa has over 3 million people.  Besides near the airport and nicer hotels, there is not a single traffic signal.  I saw one (1) speed limit sign.  Only the main roads are paved, the side roads are dirt (including the roads where both HOH houses are located).  At the same time, the paved roads were in better condition than any paved roads are at home.

Yes, most of the city seems like the most destitute slum you could imagine, but when I looked outside of the van every time we drove, I saw happy, content people.  People smiled.  People walked hand in hand, whether Muslim, Christian or otherwise.  The people were absolutely beautiful, inside an out.   The prayers that Aman says at dinnertime (which are in Wolayta – that’s why we couldn’t get a complete translation), are thanking God and asking for God to help those who can’t  get enough to eat – it wasn’t that long ago, when they couldn’t get enough to eat.  You just can’t help but be changed forever.

So many people touched us including, but not limited to:  The entire staff at House of Hope 1 and 2 – even the security guards were just as much nannies as the nannies themselves.  The one security guard who has a child sponsored by a family in the US, and had told me stories about his time in the Ethiopian army when it went into Somalia and how much he detests war.  The director at Bright Hope School who happily treaded through the mud  and down and then up a steep hill in the rain to show us the complex, as we were all grumbling about getting our shoes dirty – did I mention he has one leg?  The look on the same director’s face when he showed us that they FINALLY had clean water, and enough of it that the children can take clean water home to their families.  Think about that.  No matter how disadvantaged one is in the US – just about everyone has access to clean water.  The security guard at the shopping center making  funny faces at Serawit to make her laugh (while bashing the beggars on the street with a big stick if they got too pushy with us). The other families who were here with us.

Pretty soon, we will be back home, with our kids, trying to find a routine as all of our lives have changed forever.  So, to sum this up, here I go again with “random thoughts” like before we left.

Felicia’s random thoughts:

If the pollution here existed in the US, my boss would be very busy for many years.

Wasn’t quite ready to see dinner clucking in the courtyard… but the doro wat was really good.

The kids are going to be in separate bedrooms sooner rather than later.  If I don’t give them the same color lollypop, one throws a fit.

Yep, every inch of her was covered, but does skin tight clothes that leave nothing to the imagination and a headscarf make a conservative Muslim?

If I’m asked to recommend any changes for future families, I would request a clothesline in the bathroom.  That being said, I did find it interesting that the hot water heater was perched above the bathtub.  The plug for said hot water heater went into a socket located just above the water spout for the shower.  Did not for a second think we were in any danger.  Some of the wet clothes hung off the cord.

After sitting on our laps for every vehicle ride, I wonder what the kids will think of their booster seats.

All that corn on the cob being sold on ever corner (fresh, or freshly roasted), and not once did we have any corn.

The best bananas EVER!

I wish we could have seen Awasa.  Hopefully next time.