Our Big Step – Continued

After breakfast, we started the day at HoH 1 giving Tsegey some of the donations we brought, and taking pictures of the kids whose parents sent their consent forms to us.  We had 6 kids from infant to toddler.  One was a sibling group.  So cute!!  Overwhelming cuteness turned to tears when we found out that when Aman left the last time, all the kids and most of the staff cried.  Apparently he was the “leader of the pack” and helped the staff keep all the kids in line.  That really explains his demeanor.  He is SO easy going and does go out of his way to make everyone smile, including the babies.  Tears turned back to cuteness when we found out that today was a school day and Aman and Serawit sat with the rest of the kids in the classroom.  We couldn’t film any of it, but Adam set the video recorder on the window sill set to just record the sound of the kids singing and the teacher teaching.  She would say things and they would repeat.  It was all the cutest thing we heard.  However, you can’t record sound with the video screen shut, so we only got about 7 minutes of the half hour – 45 minute lesson.  What we got was still incredibly cute.

Also got to talk more with the nurse regarding some concerns.  While it wasn’t anything close to what we thought, we did get a bit of a crash course in the culture of the region of where the kids came from, and that some things they do to their children as infants would get the parents imprisoned here.  This falls into the category of “their story” so I’m not going to go any further into it, except that we have more to add to the list of what to tell their doctors when we get back.  At the same time, except for some allergy issues (the pollution is HORRIBLE here – on a clear day we don’t see a blue sky there is so much gray haze), they are perfectly healthy – Yippee.  The nurse was concerned that Serawit still had a little sleep in her eye, so she gave us some antibiotic eye drops.

We also got pictures of the bunks they slept in when they stayed there, and of Jeremiah 29:11, which was painted on the wall of the Toddler dorm (tissue alert if you don’t know the verse and want to look it up).  Also thanked ALL of the staff AGAIN for everything they have done for the kids and us.

The visa appointment was interesting.  The US Embassy is up on a big hill.  We got out of our van and had to run across the street.  It started raining and some street kids came out with umbrellas to hold over us as we were rushed across the street by the staff.  In the confusion, I wasn’t able to get out any candy to give them.  We hadn’t mentioned beggars yet.  They have been there, but not nearly as often as I thought.  It had been suggested to give the children candy because they are usually pulled out of school to beg because they make more money than their parents doing it, and as a result they get no education.  The idea is that by giving candy instead the cycle is broken.  The unintended consequence is that all the white people are now called “chocolate.”

We had a very, very long wait, but there was a play area for the kids, which of course our kids took full advantage of.  Of all the older kids, Aman is the oldest and the only boy – he made the girls laugh so hard antagonizing him.  I was concerned the kids were making too much noise because it really was a crowded room we were waiting in, but at the same time, not concerned because they were really, really happy noises.

After a few hours (not kidding) they finally called us.  What were the chances our consular official would be from the St. Louis area?  Yep, he’s from University City.  So after a short chat on St. Louis stuff, we got down to business which took a whole 10 minutes.  He gave us original birth certificates, paperwork, and some instructions concerning some more paperwork we get tomorrow to bring back, and sent us on our way.  We went downstairs and our translator asked us for our receipt.  We didn’t get a receipt.  Still, Adam and I dug through our bags, and there was no receipt.  He went back to the official and he swore he gave us one.  Apparently it’s not needed for anything except for our file with Children’s Hope so they told us not to worry about it.  I took it to mean we can’t return our kids now – not that we would ever want to. 

We came back, and the twin 4 year olds who are bestest friends with Aman and Serawit (one was Serawit’s bunk mate at HOH) again came to play in our suite.  Nothing like a potty party with 4 preschoolers with another set of parents you only met a few days ago also looking on.  It’s even funnier when yet another little 4 year old girl (another bestest friend) is also with the group, but she was with her mommy and daddy at that time.

They are still testing boundaries.  I had to say no to Serawit more than anything else.  Daddy had to earlier today.  I cried afterwards.  Adam just shook his head and I think he laughed.

Tomorrow morning is the meeting with the birth relative(s) and what should be the most emotional experience next to meeting our kids for the first time.  We’ve been told to not even shed a tear during the meeting because it is looked at as a sign of weakness as a parent.  Ashleigh, our social worker, is trying to get us a tour of the Bright Hope School for the afternoon.  Tomorrow night, we are supposed to be going out to a restaurant to have a “traditional Ethiopian meal.”  Does that mean what we have been eating all week isn’t traditional Ethiopian food?  Interesting, because we’ve been eating food we don’t typically eat at home.  It’s all been very good – we all want to bring the cook home with us.  Still, it will be nice to go out to eat for a bit of a change of scenery.

The pom poms stayed in – sweet!  I finished the look with a purple bow barrette – cute!  Aman’s hair was also in good condition.  So the first time really caring for their hair went well.  Today we went over the paperwork for the visa interview.  That was as painless as those things could be.

After lunch, and “quiet time” we all went to the Ethnic Museum on the grounds of the national university.  Our van was stopped at the entrance and all the men were made to get out and be frisked.  Then we got to the entrance and all of us except the kids were frisked and our backpacks and diaper bags searched.  The museum was very interesting.  I hate to say it but I think it would have been more interesting if we didn’t have the kids with us.  Again, Aman was interested and Serawit was bored, but this time, Serawit was also very much lively and wanted to run around and touch everything.  Daddy held her, but she wouldn’t have any of it.  She let me hold her, but she wiggled, you know, like a 4 year old.  I really love that we are able to take tours like that, and that the kids can come with us, but I really do wish we could keep them back at the guest house with the nannies.  I do understand and appreciate CHI and bonding psychology that we shouldn’t do that so early in the bonding process, but at the same time, how else are we able to actually see the things that make Ethiopia what it is so we can tell our kids about it without being distracted by, well, the kids?

Sorry, off soap box.  Today, really, was a bit of a test for us.  The kids may call every adult female “mommy” (but only Adam is Daddy), but when they have to go to the bathroom, or if they want just about anything else they find one of us.  That’s HUGE this early in the bonding process and means we are doing something right.  However, with getting comfortable with us and accepting of us as their authority figures, comes testing where our authoritative boundaries lie.  So, how can you be firm(ish) with the boundaries while keeping in mind that they are going through a major life transition, not to mention they don’t speak English fluently, and also keep in mind the cultural mores of the country you are in?  I think we did ok.  There was a lot more re-directing today, but I still had to raise my voice a couple times before they did what we wanted them to do (and they understood what we wanted).  Adam also had to use the Daddy voice at least once.  One of the times I was being the “mean mommy” was witnessed by other and of course it was when I was telling one of them “no” and pushing his hand away, and not what he was doing that prompted that.  **sigh**  It really wasn’t a bad day at all.  It was just a test.

Adam gave the kids their baths and got them ready for bed for the first time.  I helped him with Serawit and then he got Aman ready by himself.  Adam has even done some stuff that other husbands I know would insist their wives do and won’t have anything to do with – but I won’t mention what stuff because one day the kids will read this and I don’t want to embarrass them too much.  J  Adam is a natural.  He’s great with them.  Even though I had more one-on-one time with Aman and Adam had more one-on-one with Serawit (not forced, it just happened that way), at the end of the day today, Aman is still a daddy’s boy and Serawit is very much a mommy’s girl.

By the way, how much they can understand us, and the amount of English they are already learning is amazing, especially with Aman.  For example, at the meal times, he understands when we ask if he wants more to eat, and now he translates for Serawit (and the other kids) when we ask her if she wants more to eat.  There are a lot of words Aman will say in both the Amharic, and then the English word (though we found out later they are also speaking quite a bit of Wolayta).  Serawit does it too, but not as much as Aman.  She is 4 and he is 5 so that makes sense.

They both did a lot of singing today and we got some of it on video.  Adam and I sang some common children’s songs to them and they looked at us funny.  Even so, Aman did say “good job mommy daddy.”  They know the alphabet song, so since that’s the one song we all know, we sing it a lot.

Aman leads the kids in prayer and it’s such a cool prayer, except that we have no idea what he and the kids are saying (it’s been videotaped).  We got the translator to tell us that they are thanking God for their food, and praying for those who do not have enough that they can be fed.

Tomorrow is the Visa appointment, which I think will go fine, except we will have the kids with us and don’t know if they will still be testing those authoritative boundaries.  Only so much re-direction one can do in a waiting room.

I couldn’t sleep – I kept having the urge to check on them, but I was also afraid of waking them up.  Funny, they didn’t get up until we went in to get them up.  LOL!  With very little prompting, they marched into the bathroom, went potty, brushed their teeth and patiently waited for me to put their clothes on (all of the above one at a time of course).  Then an amazing thing happened.  The bathroom is attached to Adam and my bedroom.  I keep their clothes and stuff in there.  After I got them dressed, they neatly folded up their pajamas and put them on top of one of the suitcases.  Then they made our bed.  I’m not kidding.  They did ask for help with the comforter (not in English, but we can still understand them).  Then they went into their room and made their bed.  I’m not making that up.

After breakfast, we went out in the van to the Lion Zoo.  We picked up other families along the way and took them to HoH to be united with their kids.  At the zoo, it seemed like Serawit was a little scared (she clung to me and eventually I picked her up and carried her) and Aman was simply fascinated.  There was a couple of cages with monkeys and they were both pretty excited about that.  It was kind of sad because the Lions are in literal cages with concrete floors.

After lunch, we went to the Hilton to use the internet, so Facebook and e-mail got checked.  Then we went to National Museum.  The kids were both very good, but as fascinated as Aman was, Serawit was bored.  I carried her for most of the time.  The main room on the first floor had bigscreen TVs talking about some of the early human excavations and both kids just stared transfixed at the TV – guessing they don’t watch it much – just wait until they see ours (and theirs)!  We also got to see Lucy.  I remembered studying her in school.

After dinner (where Tseguy and his wife Almaz came in to see us), I gave the kids baths and washed their hair for the first time.  I also put Sera’s hair in “pom poms” for the first time.  I hope they came out ok.

We didn’t call Tsegay to pick us up until closer to 9:00 than 8:00.  No problem, the driver had other families to pick us up so we were able to take our time and relax in the lobby for a bit.  The Hilton is one of the nicest hotels (and you have to go through a metal detector to get inside).  The main translator came to pick us up.  Before going to our guest house, we had to go to another guest house to pick up Kevin and Stacie.  Kevin and Stacie are minor celebrities in the local Ethiopian adoption circuit as they were the first to adopt through CHI.  They were here to adopt their second, a little girl.  We then had a choice to go to HOH II to get settled in before meeting our kids, or meet our kids right away – but that Kevin and Stacie were going to meet theirs right away.  We chose to go ahead and meet our kids right away – lucky for us, I had their backpacks packed on top of one of the carry ons, so it wasn’t a big deal to pull them out.

They took us all up, and then Ashley, our social workers at CHI in St. Louis who is also here with us came in, and before we could finish saying hi, our children came running in.  They ran in yelling “Mommy, Daddy!!” and first saw Ashley and ran to her.  She pointed them to us and they stopped for a minute, their eyes grew wide, and Aman ran into Adam’s arms and Serawit ran into mine.  Their eyes grew wider when they saw their backpacks and immediately started taking the stuff out – we didn’t pack a whole lot, but a small toy, an inexpensive digital camera and some candy.

The rest is a blur, but next thing we knew we were walking around to the rest of the complex while they ran to every staff member to tell them that their mommy and daddy were there.

Just like we were told ahead of time, Aman is kind of the leader of the group, and all the other kids kind of look up to him.  Serawit is just a sweetie.  Actually they are both very sweet.  Kind of a blur after that but eventually we ended up back to our guest house eating lunch.  The cooks have a little table set up just for the kids next to our table.  The food is buffet style.  The kids say prayers (in later days when there are more kids, they all do it together and it’s the coolest thing – we will definitely keep that habit when we get home) and we got to play for a little bit before gong on our first trip, a city tour, which was very interesting until Serawit threw up.  Yep, projectile vomit, and being the inexperienced mother I am, I had NOTHING with which to clean her up.  LOL.  With some help from Stacie and Kevin (we owe them wet wipes big time) and the driver and the translator, I managed to clean her up ok.  Bless her little heart, she was mortified.  We figured it was the shock, plus the pollution plus the very bumpy roads.  I kept kissing her head and told her it was ok and she didn’t do anything wrong.  I think she eventually understood.  After that, I always carry a backpack with wet wipes a big plastic bag, and a change of clothes.  Also, we started giving them anti-nausea medicine before going anywhere by van.

Fast forward to dinner, one of the other families who have twin 4 year old daughters had come for dinner.  Apparently they are all friends.  J  That was fun, seriously.  They were all soooo cute!  Before dinner they all played together, either in our suite or in the common outside area.

After dinner, I decided to try our first bath time.  Would you believe they love baths???  Even though we had to turn on the hot water heater ourselves and it hadn’t warmed up enough they still loved it.  After their baths, they got into their jammies which they thought was so cool (they had to show them off to each other), brushed their teeth with almost no prompting and we put them into bed with even less prompting.  Wow – hope this keeps up after we get home.  After putting them in bed, we forgot we were going to give them a Benadryl because they had some congestion. I went to give it to them, and while Serawit was barely awake enough to take it, Aman was already asleep so I didn’t wake him up.

To fill in some of the blanks above, no, they don’t know English, but they know some words.  They can sing the Alphabet Song, and can count in English to 10.  In that 24 hours they picked up more words.  We introduced them to pictures of the rest of the family and got them saying their names, and we think they understand who they are.  Most of all, it was amazing that they were already bonding and attaching themselves to us on the first day though it seems more Serawit to me and Aman to Adam.  That’s ok, it’s normal for a kid to bond to one parent before the other.

A funny aside.  I managed to break the rocking chair and Adam broke the coffee table.  Both funny stories we can tell our grandkids one day.  Even with those embarrassing things, it was an absolutely wonderful first day – better than we could have dreamed.  One of the best days of our lives.