The pom poms stayed in – sweet! I finished the look with a purple bow barrette – cute! Aman’s hair was also in good condition. So the first time really caring for their hair went well. Today we went over the paperwork for the visa interview. That was as painless as those things could be.
After lunch, and “quiet time” we all went to the Ethnic Museum on the grounds of the national university. Our van was stopped at the entrance and all the men were made to get out and be frisked. Then we got to the entrance and all of us except the kids were frisked and our backpacks and diaper bags searched. The museum was very interesting. I hate to say it but I think it would have been more interesting if we didn’t have the kids with us. Again, Aman was interested and Serawit was bored, but this time, Serawit was also very much lively and wanted to run around and touch everything. Daddy held her, but she wouldn’t have any of it. She let me hold her, but she wiggled, you know, like a 4 year old. I really love that we are able to take tours like that, and that the kids can come with us, but I really do wish we could keep them back at the guest house with the nannies. I do understand and appreciate CHI and bonding psychology that we shouldn’t do that so early in the bonding process, but at the same time, how else are we able to actually see the things that make Ethiopia what it is so we can tell our kids about it without being distracted by, well, the kids?
Sorry, off soap box. Today, really, was a bit of a test for us. The kids may call every adult female “mommy” (but only Adam is Daddy), but when they have to go to the bathroom, or if they want just about anything else they find one of us. That’s HUGE this early in the bonding process and means we are doing something right. However, with getting comfortable with us and accepting of us as their authority figures, comes testing where our authoritative boundaries lie. So, how can you be firm(ish) with the boundaries while keeping in mind that they are going through a major life transition, not to mention they don’t speak English fluently, and also keep in mind the cultural mores of the country you are in? I think we did ok. There was a lot more re-directing today, but I still had to raise my voice a couple times before they did what we wanted them to do (and they understood what we wanted). Adam also had to use the Daddy voice at least once. One of the times I was being the “mean mommy” was witnessed by other and of course it was when I was telling one of them “no” and pushing his hand away, and not what he was doing that prompted that. **sigh** It really wasn’t a bad day at all. It was just a test.
Adam gave the kids their baths and got them ready for bed for the first time. I helped him with Serawit and then he got Aman ready by himself. Adam has even done some stuff that other husbands I know would insist their wives do and won’t have anything to do with – but I won’t mention what stuff because one day the kids will read this and I don’t want to embarrass them too much. J Adam is a natural. He’s great with them. Even though I had more one-on-one time with Aman and Adam had more one-on-one with Serawit (not forced, it just happened that way), at the end of the day today, Aman is still a daddy’s boy and Serawit is very much a mommy’s girl.
By the way, how much they can understand us, and the amount of English they are already learning is amazing, especially with Aman. For example, at the meal times, he understands when we ask if he wants more to eat, and now he translates for Serawit (and the other kids) when we ask her if she wants more to eat. There are a lot of words Aman will say in both the Amharic, and then the English word (though we found out later they are also speaking quite a bit of Wolayta). Serawit does it too, but not as much as Aman. She is 4 and he is 5 so that makes sense.
They both did a lot of singing today and we got some of it on video. Adam and I sang some common children’s songs to them and they looked at us funny. Even so, Aman did say “good job mommy daddy.” They know the alphabet song, so since that’s the one song we all know, we sing it a lot.
Aman leads the kids in prayer and it’s such a cool prayer, except that we have no idea what he and the kids are saying (it’s been videotaped). We got the translator to tell us that they are thanking God for their food, and praying for those who do not have enough that they can be fed.
Tomorrow is the Visa appointment, which I think will go fine, except we will have the kids with us and don’t know if they will still be testing those authoritative boundaries. Only so much re-direction one can do in a waiting room.